Seasonal Anxiety Disorder?

It seems that I have an existential crisis everytime the seasons begin to change. Colds, mood swings, thinking about my career, boy freaks outs. 2 days ago I put on a jacket for the first time in months; I knew it was high time for a meltdown. The problem with meltdowns is that after injecting emotional liquidity into my personal stock exchange, which I never really expect to help, I wait for everything to plummet. Instead everything just sits. The apprehension kills me. I was just given a raise at work, but the personal politics make it virtually impossible to enjoy any 7 minutes in a row. The practical part of me says you can't quit one job until you have another. The other half of me, during my meltdown this weekend, wrote a very grammatically correct resignation letter. I hate being unable to determine which one should win. The fact remains that this is small fries. Yeah, I need money, and I like to do stuff that I like, but obsessing about my current situation prevents me from really examining the fact that I graduate in less than a year and have no idea what I'm going to do.

I have no idea what I want. It changes all the time. Manhattan. Brooklyn. Professor. AIDS activist. sex with Puerto Rican Cop. Friendship. A relationship, with someone else.

The options jog around my head, making me panicy, dizzy, unable to live authentically. The results are feeling like my life is in shambles, even when nothing is technically wrong. My apartment looks like New Orleans. I can't put together a decent outfit. My idea of fun is watching cable on Best Friend's floor.

This is definitely no way to live.